You ever get the feeling that you were meant to do something?
And by something, I don't mean extraordinary. Because I used to think that about myself and now I don't ever get that feeling anymore.
I wish that I could just see that everything is going to be okay for me, I don't even need to know specifics, like career, marriage, and family stuff. I just want to know that I end up happy. The less I would know the more likely it would be to end up that way.
That is the best news in the entire world. Funny enough, I can feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. A heavy one. Now the only weight is learning all the different types of bras! I work at Victoria's Secret now. Better yet, I'm not just seasonal, so I can get comfortable. I really like that. I'm happy I know I can contribute to not only my debt, but the things my friends and I like to do. I can buy dinner. I can take Dylan to a movie occasionally now too. I feel like I have some ounce of worth again. How funny.
Things are good. This is one of the first times I can say in a long while that I'm not concerned about anything. I'm not having doubts. I'm not upset. I feel completely comfortable and hopeful again. Longest relationship ever, btw. That's weird. Haha. Homecoming is this upcoming weekend! That's crazy.
Psshh, Dylan, we're just friends and I plan on keeping it that way! I still have feelings for Steven. It's hard to sleep at night when he's not in my bed with me. There's been a lot of rumors going around about me. I'm not sure why, I don't even go to Arbor View anymore. Honestly, I think it's pathetic and I feel bad for those people talking about me. I mean their lives must suck pretty bad if all they have to do is sit around and talk about me behind my back. OHWELL. Uhm what else is going on in life? I went to cue d's and won 2 games, I was so excited! I still havent found a new boy to like. Danny is trying to talk to me again, but I'd rather not. Oh Yeah, I'm a redhead!
It's been awhile, again.
Summer is almost over. About a week and a half to go for Fall to enter 2009.
Fall is my favorite season, Halloween, Orange, Yellow, Red, Driving with the windows down, Sleeping with the windows open.. even the scent is different to me. I'm excited.
I start school October 6th! I'm so excited. I'll be done in February, and I can actually look for my career job! How excellent.
Brennan's best friend is engaged :O
Speaking of Brennan, he took me on a surprise Six Flags trip. It was so out of the blue. And amazing. I've never been to six flags, so it was time. It was nice to get away from the vegas heat, but i was only gone for one day, & I already missed home.
Going to Oceanside October 1-4 for Brennan's sisters graduation party. It's gonna be awesome !
My Packers won today ! GO PACKERS 2010 PLAYOFFS!
The Beatles Rock Band came out the other day. To bad i can't afford it. I want it so bad, but I'll just have to be patient.
Thats all for now.
Love&Peace to all.
1 meal a day, dinner.
1 small fruit, breakfast.
At least 3 glasses of water.
No more soda.
Welcome to diet hell.
I have ten minute before I need to leave for work. The insecurities of my friends are beginning to drive me quite mad. I wrote something while I was strung out and I keep coming back to it. I missed a call today and a class as well. I have nothing important to say really.
So apparently I am doing too many drugs according to the man who knows so much about my life. He informed me of this tragic habit that I have and then you know what he does? He smokes weed. What a fucking hypocrite. I wasn't angry before about the possibility of losing someone close to me over something ridiculously trivial I was mainly just sad, but now I am fucking livid. Who is he to comment on my life. Who in the world does he think he is? He is in no position to tell me which direction to take my life. I don't think I have ever hated him so much. You do not deserve all that I have to offer you.
my love, to the sea
My dad is dying, Steven hates me because I hung out with Danny. I feel emotionally abandoned, My birthday is coming up, I don't want it to. I always expected my 16th birthday to be amazing. However, My dog died, My dad is dying, I get school as my present, I don't have someone to hold, hardly any friends, no one I can trust. So honestly I don't want a birthday because I always thought it would be wonderful and obviously it's not going to be so if I just pretend it's not my birthday I wont get disappointed, simple as that.Btw Danny pretty much told me he just wants to be friends because every time we get even the slightest bit more than friends shit get fucked up and we stop talking and he doesn't want that and that's perfectly fine with me I don't want to be anything more than friends with him. I've been writing more than usual lately. I dont know how much I like them though, but I'm tired it's bed time. Good night
I broke another heart and it's tearing me apart.
