I want to be wrong about you, but my gut is telling me that you're not right for me.
ASDFGHJKL
Long weekend. I've never been so excited for school, because this weekend wore me down, wore me down hard.
Updates?
-Worked intense hours this week. My body is still recovering, even though I took yesterday off.
-I was playing designated driver on Saturday night, and Jimmy's tire blew out on the freeway. Ugly night. Lots of fighting, and not a whole lot of breathing on my part. Worst anxiety attack I've ever had, hands down. Weird enough?
Cynthia was the one to pull me out of it, not Hannah.
-I don't have another day off until Thursday. Fuck.
-I'm having dinner with my daddy on a regular basis. It's nice, so far.
-I think you can be as close as close can be to someone, but until you see them break, you have no idea who they really are; and if that's true, then I can only say for sure that I really know three, maybe four people. Jimmy has just been added to that list.
-I'm sort of glad that I had that break down; it had been building up for weeks and finally I cracked. Now I still have what's left over to deal with - but I can look at everything a little more rationally. Unfortunately, I have this weird lingering feeling of apathy, which makes it difficult for me to feel compassionate for anyone else.
that is constantly weighing you down. Just an ebbing, painful curiosity that won't die out. You've tasted it, and now you're fucked, because actual happiness has moved that much farther away from you. How do you wake up everyday? Force yourself to live through one more day in this wretched, cold world, almost completely alone? To be alone and feel lonely are two different things. I am far from alone, but I feel the intensity of my loneliness grow stronger every single day. You can't tell me that love hurts. This is more than love, this is defeat.
